Christening

7th September 2013

I didn't really want to get the girls baptized this early as I was still constantly exhausted and not really wanting to think about anything else but I felt pressured to do it as they need to be baptized before 6 months to get into a Catholic school. They preparation wasn't too bad as I had so much help from Mum, Frances and Chris, they were all fab. We hired a bouncy castle for the garden however the weather was awful, wet and freezing! It was a disaster!! The kids just got on with it but such a shame that we couldn't enjoy the garden. There were some sunny spells but still quite cold, in comparison to the gorgeous weather we have been having. To top it off Sienna was feeling under the weather and actually had an awful ear infection and needed antibiotics the next day.

The girls looked adorable in their matching Mama and Papas outfits and were as good as gold in the church.

Mum and I made an awesome cake. It looked fab but tasted rank, it was so heavy! Haha!

  

1st Two months

Well what an experience!!! Raising twins is HARD work!!! I have been lucky enough to have had Dan for a couple or weeks, then mum and then Frances on school holidays as I couldn't have coped on my own otherwise. A newborn baby is tough enough but having two of them really is double trouble, especially with a toddler around.

 

Sienna holding Cailtin and her kissing Georgie.

During the day is ok as the weather is good so I have the gazebo up in the garden and I put the twins in a moses basket asleep under there, Sienna has the paddling pool out and I sit in my sun lounger!! The twins are quite good at feeding and I feed them separately, which works. I am so lucky the weather has been good and that we made the decision to do the garden, it's so nice spending time out there!

The girls started sharing a moses basket in our bedroom but after a couple of weeks it was becoming a squeeze and they were quite noisy so we moved the big cot into our room. A week later we realised that they were so noisy during the night, snuffling away so we moved them into their room, still sharing a bed. Haha, relaxed patents or what.... 3 weeks and already in their own room. They advise that they stay in your room up to 6 months! It worked well as we only got woken when they actually needed feeding!

 
Georgie on right, Caitlin on left in both photos.

I'm doing the night feeds on my own now, Dan would usually do the 10pm feed then I do all the night feeds. They tend to only wake once a night, about 3am. I feed one then feed the other. Even if the other hasn't woken I still feed. The thought of going back to bed to only be woken an hour later for the other feed. I think people do it differently but its the Gina Ford way and it worked for Sienna and works for us now. I am so exhausted though, it's tough going!!! No one will understand that feeling when you are feeding one baby at 3am and look over and there is anther baby waiting to be fed.... it honestly is the most deflating thing in the world and many a time, I sit there and have a little cry to myself. I am lucky that once they have fed, they burp quickly and tend to go back to sleep quite quickly

I think being a twin and raising twins, you have to be very organised and very regimented otherwise you would not get a chance to do anything else. I think they babies grow up use to that and just adapt and understand they can't be cuddled every second of the day.

Sienna absolutely loves her little sisters, constantly kissing them and wanting to help, she loves it!

Georgie on the right, Cailtin on the left

Overall, its been ok, we're very tired. We're not enjoying it too much as it's sooooo intense but we are coping and getting through it. It's awful to say but are wishing their lives away as as they get older and bigger the easier and less demanding they should become (hopefully!).

Georgie & Caitlin's 1st week!

So after bringing the girls home after 3 days in hospital, I was finally in the comfort of my home with help around me (the staff at hospital were useless and it was so difficult trying to feed both babies as well as recover from a c section). 

Sienna at Nana's being told her baby twin sisters have been born!


 The identical twin sisters sharing a moses basket!

I got home and pretty much wanted to sleep! Mum and Dad came down for the day to meet the girls but I was so knackered I said hello and then went to bed. I didn't however remind Dan about how to steralise or prepare formula so the babies start crying, I'm asleep and Uncle Laul pops in.... perfect timing as Dan had to send him to shops to buy some ready made formula! Ha, his first trip down a baby aisle. Then back to ours to help with the feeds. They did a fab job though!

In the meantime, Sienna was sleeping and I had woken up, however due to my operation I was unable to pull myself up from the bed and I didn't have my phone to hand and couldn't shout for help as I would wake Sienna up. After about 15 mins I managed to maneuver myself to roll out of bed, in a lot of pain but I was up!!! 

I have been so uncomfortable for the last week, heavy bleeding (as always with childbirth) and having to wear Dan's old boxers as they were baggy enough and high enough so they didn't irritate my scar. Honestly, the most unflattering thing ever! 

The girls have been good, the first couple of weeks babies sleep quite a bit but having 2 babies is a handful. Both Dan and I are doing night feeds, so we are both knackered as they are feeding at 10pm, 2pm and 5am, then Sienna is up at 6.30am!!! Exhausted!!!!

D-Day!!

Happy Birthday Georgina Rose and Caitlin Olivia Hawkes!!!

Born on Summer Solstice 2013
Start Sign - Gemini (yikes!)

So.... natural birth over c-section.... discuss.....

The c-section process was actually very relaxing and less stressful than the natual way however the recovery is SHOCKING!!! I was in so much pain for the first few days that I was demanding morphine on top of the pain killers they were giving me. I was so sore to move and that with trying to sit up and care for teeny tiny twin babies next to my bed was a nightmare. They were understaffed (never go to hospital at the weekends) and they had about 32 babies on the ward. Note to self.... once they know you are bottle feeding and not breast, you get handed a couple of bottles and left to your own accord.....

 

Back to the c-section.... I didn't feel a thing! The spinal was similar to the epidural I had for Sienna and once that kicked in I couldn't feel anything. To the point that I had to ask Dan whether they had cut me open yet (he then looked and yep... felt pretty sick at what he saw...).

The whole process was very quick....

8.54am - first insition
8.58am - Georgie born
9.02am - Caitlin born
45 mins later - sewed back up

We spoke to the surgeon afterwards and said that we were surprised it was so quick. She told us that it was pretty slow and that she had pulled babies out from first insition to baby out in 30 seconds! WOW!

  
Cailtin in photo on left, Georgie in the right photo

I was moved to recovery for an hour where we got to cuddle our babies and that's where we chose which was which. The nurse handed the bigger baby to Dan and I held the smaller one. As Dan chose Georgie's name he had her, and I chose Caitlin! They were so small it was crazy and the fact there were two as well......

We were moved up to the maternity ward and given a private room (privileged of having twins!). Then the feeding and nappy changing began. It's funny how it all comes back how to hold a baby etc. It's all a natural thing really.

The epidural began to wear off after an hour or so but the morphine etc still kept the pain at bay. I had a catheter in so I didn't need to get up for the toilet. Later I realised that once the painkillers had worn off there was no way I could move to get to the toilet. I asked for the catheter to remain in overnight to help.

I get asked whether I would choose to have a c-section again, the answer is simple... No! Although everyone has different births, the recovery from the c-section was so long and painful, I would opt for a natural (with epidural) next time for sure. Actually, take that back.... we now have 3 beautiful girls and I can safely say we have no intention of producing any further children. We have done our part for humanity ;0)

Final days....

35.4 weeks

My c-section has been booked for Monday 24 June. Yippee! Scary times but glad I only have a few days to go. I need to get organised with all my hospital bags, Sienna with nana etc.

However..... I went to hospital week on Tues 18 June for blood tests and my final midwife chat in preparation for D-Day. I told them how I was experiencing ichy hands and feet. They were a little concerned so said they would call me when the blood results came back. I received a call later that day saying there may be a risk of OC (a condition on the liver). Another appointment was then booked for Thurs 20 June for further blood tests.

I had to attend the next appointment on my own as Dan couldn't take time off work. They did further blood tests and dropped a bombshell that my liver condition wasn't improving and although they can treat with medication the fact that babies are due Monday they move my section to Friday (TOMORROW!!!). I was in shock......

I couldn't sleep at all the Thursday night., I kept freaking out that the babies weren't moving (one of the risks of OC is stillbirth) and kept getting up and being really restless (not the ideal situation before giving birth!) All the doctor information was messing with my mind and I just wanted them out, safe.

We had organised for Sienna to stay with Nana for the weekend whilst I was in hospital and once the babies were here Dan could bring her up to meet them. Sienna, bless her then started getting a diarrhea bug and we decided it was best to keep her out of the hospital and away from the babies for the time being. I missed her so much whilst I was in hospital those 4 days.

The Wedding at Villa Palazzola

32 weeks pregnant

So I have managed to get to Rome, woo hoo! Well that's what I thought until I realised that travelling when heavily pregnant and carrying twins is not the relaxation I was after.....

To top it off, the weather in Italy was appalling, it was pretty much a English winter, cold, wet and miserable! We had seen this on the weather forecast before going but were hopeful so packed only for hot weather (and really the only clothes I could fit into were maxi dresses!). Bad move, we were totally unprepared and no where was selling jumpers as it was their 'Summer'.

My feet had swollen a ridiculous amount and walking around Rome didn't help either. I was knackered most days so it was early nights for me and in addition to all this Sienna came down with a cold and was so poorly she didn't really get to see much of the wedding day :0(

The wedding got moved from the Saturday to the Sunday as the weather was forecast to be better. This was the right option as the sun did shine for a while and we managed to have the wedding breakfast outside on the terrace which was the selling point of hing the place in the first place. A beautiful day but shame Sienna was ill to enjoy it. She spent most of the day in our bedroom asleep in her cot.

I am so glad I bought the Serephine dress as it was so comfortable and warmer than if I had gone for something different. Also glad I was wearing flat sandels!

Sienna was a bit poorly for the whole trip (again!! she always seems to be poorly on an event!). She slept a lot and wasn't the happiest on the wedding day. She looked adorable in her little dress though. Shame the weather was a bit nippy though :0(

I'm going to Rome!!!

31 weeks

After all the complications I had to go for a scan the day before I was due to fly to Rome. They scanned and although didn't necessarily recommend that I should leave the country, couldn't think of a reason why they couldn't sign me off. I got the ok (which BA needed for me to board the plane) and I was ready for our Italian holiday/Fran & Russ wedding, woo hoo!

I was pretty big at this stage and getting very tired. I had finished work a month previously so had spent a lot of time just resting (which is nice but does get boring) but I wanted to make sure the babies stayed put and I got the OK to fly. It worked!!!

So Dan, Sienna and I set off on our adventure. We fly Business Class (we had air miles) it was hilarious having Bubs flying business but it was a short haul so no flat beds. Nice to have space on the plane and pretty much unlimited luggage too. One of the best parts though is having access to the airport lounge. Sienna was in her element in the Kids Lounge. She was the only kid around so ate her breakfast in front of CBeebies! hehe, so cute!

  
 

We had 2 nights in Rome, Sienna was great. We took the open tour bus around (Sienna loves buses) and as I couldn't walk far we staying near the Pantheon which is very central and easy to wonder. The only downside was the weather, it was freezing!!!! We had one sunny day but the rest was cold and wet (not what we expected or even packed for!)

Things just getting too much!

I have been in pretty much turmoil emotionally with all the potential complications being thrown at us and to top it off work is becoming very busy and the expectations of me whilst in the office is crazy, especially with managing the team. It came to a point where I was becoming ill and one day Dan got in from work to find me on the bed crying my eyes out and I just felt like I was having a little breakdown, I was losing control!

I called in sick and went to the doctors, I asked them to sign me off work for a couple of weeks so I could try and get myself back together as this wasn't good for mine or the babies health. In addition, I wanted Steven (my boss) to have a bit of a wake up call that I wasn't coping. I have this ability to just get on with things in the office and people depend on me to do a good job so keep throwing things at me, it was recruitment, redundancies, difficult employee issues and it was just getting too much.

I sent Steven an email letting him know I have been signed off and that I would call him to discuss. I was quite emotionally on the call and I think that made him realise that I wasn't in the best place. He was quite understanding.

I went up to stay with my mum with Sienna and as always being around family seems to help loads. I was feeling as though the twins were draining my body and I just felt horrendous all the time.

We told Sienna about the babies and now a bump is showing she is starting to understand but when I ask where mummy's babies are she says '1, 2, 3, 10!' Hmmm, no sweetheart, mummy's not having 10 babies....

We have started getting quotes for our garden to get it fixed up. We thought it would be a good time so it would be ready for the Summer (if we get one) and Sienna can get running around in it. We ended up going with Baxter and Son's and they start in a few weeks (it's costing us £5,900, yikes) but they have to get rid of all the horrible weeds, re-lawn the whole lot, put up new fences, a raised bed, trellis, sort out a play areas for Sienna and pretty much make it look like a family garden rather than dump and weed site!

St George's Appointments

It is safe to say that I seem to be spending majority of my time at St George's hospital and most of that is just waiting around..... my appointments are usually first things (about 9.30am), I wait around, do my scan then wait around for the midwife to usually finish about lunchtime! It is a lot of waiting!! Luckily work/Steven has been really good and flexible and I tend to work from home the afternoon of my appointments which is good. Especially as work is pretty busy and as you can imagine, I am kind of distracted with other things rather than work.

I have been thinking of when I will finish work and I can imagine it will be sooner rather than later but we will see.

Over the course of a few weeks the scans were becoming more and more positive and things were remaining stable. One twin was definately taking more than the other but the size difference wasn't increasing which is a good sign.

Professor Basky indicated that it therefore will be unlikely that I will need to have the laser treatment, phew! It's still a concern though and they continue to scan me every 2 weeks.

It's funny because when we first found out we were having twins it was a turbo shock and to be honest not really what we wanted (sorry girls but one baby is hard work, let alone two little monkeys at the same time!). But, once we found out there were potential problems it suddenly created this unbreakable bond and brought us so close to our babies and we just wanted them here safe and sound. In addition, finding out we were having girls also created an image of the new little family we were created. We were determined to get these babies fit and well and into the world!!!

TTTS - Stage 1 (but they're GIRLS!)

We went for our scan at St Georges with a consultant called Professor Basky Thilaganathan who is suppose to be fantastic in Fetal Medicine. He also apparently delivered the royal baby of Edward and Sophie which is pretty impressive.

He indicated at the scan that he didn't believe the large nuchal measurement was an indication of Downs Syndrome but believed the twins have Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) at stage 1. This is a life threatening syndrome that only occurs in Monochoronic Twins (who share a placenta). In a nutshell it's one baby taking too much of the blood from the placenta than the other so one baby grows more than the other. It can be life threatening to one or both babies but it can also be treated with a laser operation.

Again, another bombshell dropped on us and our poor twins. They are therefore needing me to visit St Georges once a week to have further scans and see whether TTTS develops. They have told me to keep an eye out for excessive thirst (I'm always thirsty anyway so that's a tricky one) and tightening of tummy.

It's a nightmare because once someone tells you those symptoms you feel like you have them all the time!!!

After I found out that news, I put my application through for a transfer from St Helier altogether to have my full care at St Georges. I felt that it would be best for my care to be in one place and from a bit of online research St Georges is highly recommended for twin pregnancies so I thought it would be best. Thankfully my transfer was accepted with no problems. They also have a specialist twin midwife who I am meeting next wee, woo hoo!

At the scan, the consultant indicated that I will probably need have a c-section rather than natural birth, yikes!! Although, the thought of pushing out 2 babies sounds pretty tough so it may be the best option!

Also, he said that it will be unlikely that I will be able to fly to Rome. I will be about 32 weeks at the point of Fran and Russ's wedding and BA will let me fly up until the end of the 32 week (if single pregnancy would be end of 34 week) if I have a doctors letter to state there are no complications. The midwife and professor indicated that they wouldn't 'sign me off' to fly. I would be gutted if I couldn't make it to the wedding :0(

Also, we found out the sex of the little bambinos..... we are having identical girls!! Woo hoo. I don't feel gutted that we aren't having a boy. I think twin girls will be fab and so lovely when they are older and playing with Sienna. It will be my very own Kardashian family (for you little ladies reading this in years to come, the Kardashians are a huge family in USA who have their own reality TV show who leave this glamorous lifestyle) Well your mummy loves the show Keeping up with the Kardashians! hehe.

Dan was also very chuffed we were having girls. I thought he might be gutted not to have a boy but I think he has got use to Sienna and how cute and gentle she is compared to boys, I think he is very happy that we will have more girlies to add to our little (soon to be big) family.

Midwife Appointment - St Helier

Midwife Booking Appointment
14 weeks

I arrived at St Helier to have my booking appointment. This is the appointment where they ask all the questions (family history, medical history etc) and take weight, height etc. As it is my second pregnancy and Sienna was born at St Helier they would have all my previous notes so this session should be quick and easy....

After arriving I find that they have lost all my notes and that they don't really have an idea of what was happening with my scans, potential complications and that I had been transferred to St Georges for further tests. She didn't even know that I was carrying twins and if she had of known she would have booked my appointment with the twin midwife. Great!

The appointment went on for some time and after the session I started thinking I might transfer to St Georges altogether because quite clearly the two hospitals don't communicate and St Georges seems to be more specialised in twin pregnancies.

1st Proper Scan - St Helier

The complications begin.....
12 weeks

Dan and I went for our official 1st scan after having the news shock of finding out we were having twins. Although the sonographer had told me lots of things at my last appointment, I was in such shock it was good that Dan was coming along to this one so we could hear everything again.

The scan was performed by Dr Matiluka who is St Helier's twin specialist. He confirmed that we were having identical twins (as they were sharing a placenta) and performed the standard procedure of taking the nuchal measurement (this is done for all pregnancies and provides the risk of the babies having Downs Syndrome.

He identified that the nuchal measurement fold was abnormal and therefore there could be risk however felt that as only one twin had an increase nuchal fold this could mean that Downs wasn't the problem but one twin may have cardiac problems. He referred to St Georges Hospital in Tooting who have a fantastic fetal medical ward for further scans and tests.

They final did my blood tests at this appointment. At this stage St Helier have been pretty rubbish in managing my pregnancy. We will see if St Georges is any better!



So as you can imagine, firstly we were emotionally all over the place with coming to terms with having twins and now we have potential further complications which adds to the emotional upheaval. We are trying to remain positive as it is early stages and I think the more we think about it the worse it gets.

The hospital did confirm that we were carrying identical twins (monochorionic). They are sharing a placenta and are in 2 separate sacks in one big sack. Very confusing....